The next Roman emperor looks like this…

We’re having a baby! And I’m making a prediction for 2012 – Rome shall rise again.

This is the new era to begin as foretold by the Mayan calender. What is with all this talk about the world ending? I don’t see Planet X in the sky. And according to NASA, the sun and Earth align with the center of the Milky Way Galaxy each solstice.

Why the Roman Empire? Well, it was the last great empire that united the entire world. It connected cultures, instituted freedom of religion, and was the only empire that established world peace (something now that every Miss USA contestant strives to do). Although Rome fell, it was never defeated. The ever-helpful Mothers And Fathers Italian Association is a great current day example.

Let me explain my prediction…

About seven years ago, a fellow Italian said to me, “We ruled the world once, and we’ll rule again”. And thus started my quest for word domination.

Now I couldn’t just burst on the scene and claim to be the heir to Julius Caesar (I’ve misplaced my long form Roman birth certificate). I would have to convince the people. So I began to list the similarities between Julius and me:

– I am Italian – 100%.
– I was born via Cesarean section.
– I know Latin.
– I am a likable guy (hopefully, no one wants to stab me).
– Mostly importantly, I look pretty good in a toga.

Those should have been enough but, I needed something more awe inspiring for the masses.

Then one day, not to long ago, I met a wise soothsayer who told me that my son would change the world. That was it! I would prepare an heir (everyone likes babies) to usher in this new era. But as with all fortunes, there were still some unanswered questions, such as, what son? As you may or may not know, I have two step-children, Samantha and Mikey. So which son would change the world – Mikey or the one yet unborn?

We would have to wait.

In early January, when my wife and I found out we were having a baby, I did the first logical thing – check the ancient Chinese birth chart. It predicted a girl. Hmmm. The soothsayer had foretold a boy. Crap! This made things complicated.

– So was the soothsayer referring to Mikey and not predicting another son?
– Was the ancient Chinese birth chart correct? It had to be – it’s ancient and mystical.
– But what if both contained some truth – that meant… twins. I was panicking.

Then I remembered an old wives tale that says twins skip a generation; and for both Theresa and me, our parents’ generation was skipped.

I started pouring myself a drink.

Our first doctor’s appointment couldn’t come any sooner. Finally, on February 13, we got the first glimpse of our baby. The doctor says we are on schedule and the baby looks fine. Most importantly, there was only one!

Maybe Rome won’t rise again, but we’re hoping all our children will do something that changes the world, even if it affects one person. But just in case, we’ll maintain the birth certificate in a safe place. I even know a good band, Save the Empire, to be official empire band. And boy or girl, the blood line will remain an Italian majority! What can I say, I picked a spouse wisely! 🙂



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4 responses to “The next Roman emperor looks like this…

  1. Theresa

    You do look good in a toga, and you definitely pick your spouse wisely.

  2. Jim Mannion

    Uncle Jim & Aunt Loretta are smiling down upon you both.

  3. Pingback: A Heir Is Born | Joe's Odyssey

  4. Pingback: Stay Calm and Change the World! | Joe's Odyssey

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